A Rather Hairy Escape
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WORD COUNT
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747
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SPREAD
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TEXT
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ILLUSTRATION
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1
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Uncle Boris is the bristliest of the Browne family.
Aunty Bess is the squintiest. Grandma Bridget is the windiest and Cousin
Bob is the schlumpiest.
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2
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You see, every Browne has something their mostiest at. That is, every
Browne except Betty.
However, Uncle Boris certainly found his. He is by far the
bristliest.
He has even more bristles than Grandad Beckett whose beard travelled
from the tip top of his head to his chiny-chin-chin.
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3
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It’s not that Betty thought all beards were bad. Just Uncle Boris’s.
His is the smelliest, beastliest and crispiest she’d ever seen.
Whenever he speaks mouldy crumbs scatter onto his big belly. She’d
even caught him slurping up old suppers he’d found mid-beard-scratch.
What made it worse is that Uncle Boris is a match of his beard; Smelly
and beastly and grumpy. He never laughs, and he never gives Birthday
presents.
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4
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So now, as the doorbell rang, Betty knew she’d have to do the one thing
she hates most about Browne family get-togethers.
“Come give your Uncle Boris a kiss!”
A nudge from dad meant it was too late. Betty closed her eyes and
planted a big kiss on Uncle Boris’s cheek.
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At the Browne’s house for dinner.
Dad nudges her with his bum whilst preoccupied
with something else. Nobody else is in the room just Betty and Boris and dad doesn’t
see what happens next.
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5
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Unlike many gross uncle kisses, this time was different.
His sticky crumb catcher pulled her in closer, tickling her nose,
then her ears, then her shoulders. Before long she was tangled right up to
her ankles and fell with a bounce on a matted fuzz mattress.
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6
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When she opened her eyes, my what a surprise. She sat in a room made
of curly black hairs with a someone who sat in a curly black chair.
“Whose there?” said Betty a little bit shaken.
“Great Aunt Bertina the Cleanliest, of course!” replied the someone.
“but I thought you ran off to the circus?”
“The circus?” laughed Bertina, “far too messy for me. No, I’ve been
here all this time. Stuck in your mucky Uncle’s beard. Come with me.”
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She’s in a very neat and clean hairy beard
house.
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7
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Outside Betty met two more beard-prisoners. Dr Fill the dentist who’d
been too close to Uncle Boris’s sticky beard at his first ever check-up. Then
Stacey a glamourous air hostess who’d tangled up in Boris’s beard whilst
leaning over to dish out a dinner tray roll.
“How did you wind up here?” asked Betty to her Great Aunt.
“I’d offered to give him a long-overdue beard wash. It gobbled me up
rubber gloves and all”.
“Now we’re all stuck for good” said the trio.
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8
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“There must be a way to escape” replied Betty.
“We’ve tried shouting and jumping but it’s no good” said Dr Fill. “I’ve
tried cleaning but he’s just too filthy” said Great Aunt Bertina
Betty scratched her head until she had a brainwave. “If we could get
to his chin we’d be closer to his ears, he’d definitely hear us then.”
“It’s a fine idea” said the others “We can give it a try”.
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9
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They battled through the hairy jungle of pizza left overs. Through
the oodles of noodles in the Chow Mein forest and up and down the cheddar
cheese mountains.
Until finally, the ground below them became soft and fleshy. “We’re
here” said Tracey. “Lets all start shouting” instructed Betty.
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10
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They hollered and yelled. They roared and bellowed.
They howled and screeched.
They wailed… they failed.
“It’s no use” said Great Aunt Bertina slumping into a half-sucked
gummy bear. Hostess Tracey was tearful, “We’ll be stuck here forever”.
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11
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But Betty wouldn’t be beaten, and she scratched her head furiously
until... BRAINWAVE! “We need to make him laugh. That way he’ll wriggle and
jiggle us out instead”
“I’ve never heard your Uncle Boris laugh” replied Bertina. “me
neither” said Betty “but we’re at every Browne’s tickliest bit. It’s got to
work!”
So, they knelt down and tickled and tickled and tickled.
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12
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Around the Browne’s dinner table grumpy Uncle Boris stopped
mid-soup-slurp.
He felt something quite strange. An odd sort of tinge, or was in a
tingle? It twitched at his chin and made his cheeks flush… then tremble, and
flutter with an almighty rush…
Until BOOM! Boris burst like a balloon gone pop. He chuckled and chortled
and just couldn’t stop.
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Everyone shocked and giggling around the
dinner table as Boris bellows with laughter.
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13
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And his howls only grew, shaking his long beard until… out they flew!
Betty’s brainwave had worked. “Betty you did it!” everyone cheered.
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14
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In the kitchen Uncle Boris looked crabby whilst Betty told the Browne’s
about her great grubby adventure.
“Well, it sounds like Betty’s found her ‘mostiest’ after all” said
mum...
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Uncle Boris is having his beard washed and
trimmed from a distance by Browne family members. They use long-handled mops
and scissors on broom sticks and pegs on their noses
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½
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“Betty the Brainiest!” all the Browne’s cheered.
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All the Browne’s lifting Betty up in the air
in celebration
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